Gone.

Why am I so empty? This pain is something new to me, something different from every other pain I have felt, and it is so, bitterly harsh. Being denied does that to one, though, doesn't it? I don't mean being denied a stuffed animal, a necklace, a dinner out. No. I mean being denied one's hopes and dreams and love and longing. Have you ever felt longing before? That sense that you need to, need to reach out and grasp something so immensely special to you? Now, imagine that something - that orb, that ball of something so desperately needed - grazing your fingertips, but always out of reach just when you think you've finally - Goddess, thank you, finally! - got it, and its again gone. You're left empty and alone. Hurt and crying. Defeated forever in the grace of that which you venerate so.
I feel this every day of my life now. I know that I will never have what I so desperately want. And, worse yet, for reasons I don't understand at all. If I could understand why, then maybe it could all be the tiniest bit bearable. But, no. There is no luck with me, no force on my side. I am alone in this cold, cruel world, and I am expected to bear fruit nonetheless. I am left brimming with a cold sorrow. The kind that never leaves the pit of your stomach, the constant tightness in your throat, the anguish that cuts deep into your soul. And I am lost, forever, to the world.
Gone.